apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We are two peas in an std pod
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
