so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
