What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
