I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
