I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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