It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
