we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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