I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
