remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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