he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize