is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
