OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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