yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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