I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
