she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize