You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
