They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
