we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize