I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
