I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
