no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He better not be in your backpack
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
