I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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