Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
