i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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