My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
