Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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