I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
