You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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