K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
