I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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