if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
