My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
