did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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