please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
