thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
