Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
