Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
