omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize