You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
