Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
