just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize