My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
