I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize