Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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