Whod you bang
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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