But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
farters have to be the big spoon...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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