We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
NoShamevember. You game?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
