Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
