Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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