Just cropdusted the office
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I lost the right to judge tonight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
