Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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