Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is wine microwaveable?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
True strength comes from lack of pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
