so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
