Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize