My room smells like vodka and shame
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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