Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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