If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize