sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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