she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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