I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
