3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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