Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
