my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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