hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We left the knife in your bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
