my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize