Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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