is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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