I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
