Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
