so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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