Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize