I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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