we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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