Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize