You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
