I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
