i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
