Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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