She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
is it fun? or sober?
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