I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
