Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
