Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
