you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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