i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
