3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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