I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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