Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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