i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
