he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize