im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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