Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk is not a location!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
