I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
