Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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