pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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