He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
