Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
