That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
