Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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