He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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