hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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