Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
