just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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