I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
