No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
