Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
