Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
its liver damage thursday
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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